Who on earth has been advising Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor? Has anyone? Does he even take advice? Well, if it were me, I’d run off in shame to Tahiti. Because the former prince provides the perfect case study in how to self-destruct. We have to go back decades for a time when it was going so well. Andrew fought bravely in the Falklands, and returned home a hero. Oldies like me watched every minute of his wedding to the fresh-faced Sarah Ferguson back in 1986. We rejoiced at the birth of his two daughters. He was the dashing, handsome prince that would melt many a heart, and a nerveless helicopter pilot to boot.

But already there were signs of trouble. In the early 1990s, people I met who’d been at school with Andrew told me about his arrogance and entitlement. Later, when he became the UK’s Special Representative for International Trade and Investment, he was nicknamed Air Miles Andy, and embassy staff around the world would complain about his rudeness, excessive demands and personal extravagance. Royal servants started to protest about the way he treated them, saying his greeting “can easily be 'f*** off' as 'good morning'".

And then we had Epstein. But even that needn’t have been the catastrophe it’s become. It only became fatal because of his terrible interview with Emily Maitlis, during which Andrew said everything you shouldn’t say, and nothing you should. It was then that his reputational death spiral began, with unforced error after unforced error.

Instead of contrition, we got a desperation to cling onto privilege. Instead of humility, we got arrogance. Each title and honour was only removed in the face of his intransigence. When, in March 2022 he escorted the late Queen into Westminster Abbey for a memorial service for his father, he showed a degree of denial and self-delusion that made our jaws drop.

Now we get Royal Lodge. Does Andrew see it as a victory that he may be allowed to stay in that gigantic property with servants almost for another year? And what about the extraordinary reported “demands and ultimatums” he’s “reeling off” regarding any new property he moves into on the Sandringham Estate, such as that it must be a “substantial six or seven bedroom house, complete with staff including a cook, gardener, housekeeper, driver and police security"?

For goodness sake, Andrew, why do you think you deserve any of that? Can’t you see that each new spoiled demand you make makes it even less likely that you’ll receive an ounce of sympathy? Do you still imagine we live in an age of such deference that royal blood trumps all else?

Here’s what I’d have said to him after that Maitlis car crash. First, apologise, admit that you’d made a series of terrible mistakes, and express genuine sympathy, as a father, for what those poor girls went through with Epstein. Second, get ahead of the game and voluntarily give up your royal duties, patronages and privileges (far better than having such measures forced upon you). Third, dedicate the rest of your life to charity and good works without seeking reward or recognition. Fourth, start being grateful.

Andrew clearly feels he’s been hard done by. Perhaps he has. But he should also reflect on the immense riches and privileges he was born into, and his own part in bringing it all crashing down. It can be tough to take responsibility. But that’s what he must do, while hoping that, in time, the nation might give him a little credit for finally doing the right thing.